I got up this morning dreading the trip to the farmer's market. This was a first. So far I've been at least enjoying the mechanics of the process here, even if I don't always execute thing well. Today I got up and just did not care.
Now the end of the week is typically a bit bumpy anyway. I've got some insane scheduling Thursday and Friday which leaves me fairly spent Saturday. This week I totally got no sleep going into Friday. So I am sure that's a factor. When you get tired and run down, it's a prime time for those little voices in the back of your head to go crazy. In my case the little voices are doing the Greek chorus telling me that there's no point in this project. What does it really matter that I get high quality pork? Pork is bad for you. EVERYONE knows that. And ground beef? Heck that's worse! Those eggs and all that dairy are going to kill you. Eating grains, no good either. It's time to end this silly whim and go back to normal. Go back to your lean cuts of everything, and no fat this, low fat that. It's fine. You were eating so much better then the rest of the country. It's fine.
I've had that little chorus going most of the day. I thought a nap would help, yet three hours later it was still going.
I walked into my local grocery store to round out some staples. The chorus was all over me for not buying locally sourced food. Now the goal here has never been to go 100 percent crazy. It's about working to integrate these rules over time. I kept going. Every bag or box got a look to check ingredient lists.
I made it to the cottage cheese before I finally lost it. I've got a waffle recipe that I like which calls for oatmeal, cottage cheese and egg whites. First thing I've got to do is decide on cottage cheese type. Full fat or a low fat variety. Deep breath look at full fat version. Which then means deciding between large and small curd.
I'm tired and hanging by a mental thread. So I grab the non fat cottage cheese. I know that from experience the label will have things I prefer not to consume. Which helps drive me towards foods that comply with my rules. Sure enough, strange and non recognizable things in said non fat cottage cheese. Score. So I grab the full fat…which has strange and non recognizable things in it
I'm sure the SNAP from my grip on reality snapping was masked by the lightning bolt that struck nearby. From there it was a bit downhill. Can I get sardines? Where can I get them from, is it Morocco that's bad, or was it Scotland? Does tomato juice in with the tomatoes qualify as too many ingredients? On and on it went. I concluded discretion was the better part of valor.
I know that this is a classic case of new information vs old habits. It's not something I'm unfamiliar with either in personal experience or observational experience.
But right now I'm calculating out how much money I'm "wasting" on this high end food when I could be getting "healthy" options which are much cheaper. I know those things work, and I don't yet know that the other works.
Thank goodness I've got one heck of a stubborn streak. I don't quit easy. Doesn't make it less hard.